Friday, April 6, 2012

Where to go from here...

It's been ages since Royce and I caught up with each other. I last had any kind of what could be considered to be a "conversation" with him weeks ago. We still pass text messages back and forth some, usually just daily "hello" or "good night" type stuff. But those at least keep us connected and let us know we're thinking of the other. It doesn't make the loneliness any less, but it's something to hold onto until the next crumb.
 I even picked up a extra part-time job working nights so I could curb the loneliness left behind. It hasn't helped. Actually its made it worse. Last night Royce sent a message while I was working. I didn't catch it until nearly two hours after he sent it, after he'd gone to bed.  He wanted to talk and I wasn't there. Granted, I shouldn't be all that broken up about it. Its not as if he hasn't done the same to me repeatedly. I just felt so empty when I knew he wouldn't get my response until the next morning and even then he wouldn't be able to reply back again.
I've decided to quit this new job which for me is completely out of character. I don't "test drive" jobs regardless of how unimportant it is to me, it's important to the employer and his/her customers/clients...etc...that's why he/she needed someone to fill the position. I have always had a weird sense of responsibility when I take on any job. This one though, has only served to make me more miserable and more lonely. It's purpose backfired and I'm horribly depressed about it.  My RL actually was the one to suggest I leave this job. Even my RL saw how awful a mood it put me in. No job is worth that. Especially a new one. So, I'm putting in my required 30day notice tonight after not even having been at this job a full week. Yeah, that's gonna look great on a resume...NOT. I don't care really. I just want out of this nightmare!

Note to self:  Don't take on a part-time filler job that requires you to sacrifice your sanity.

My RL even said if a certain issue clears itself up, I might even be able to take the $500 breach of contract hit and not have to worry. That would be nice so I could move on without prolonging this insanity any longer than necessary.

Well, I'd continue on with more of an update if it wasn't that time.  Yup, time to go be lonely and self-loathing again.  (Get ready for work that is)

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