Tuesday, February 21, 2012

When is it all too much? How far is too far?

 Royce Carlucci: not sure what to do with u at this point
  Royce Carlucci: :)
  Royce Carlucci: other than hold you and smile

There are days I still have to wonder how it is I wound up with him. Through everything, all the bad choices, long days waiting and wishing for Daeth to pay me even a little bit of attention, the one person who was always waiting in the wings, always ready to give me a hug or make me laugh, always poking his head in to "check" on me right at the very moment I needed a friend the most...Royce was there.
Sure, maybe he was just waiting for me to finally end it with Daeth for him to make his grand re-entrance, but honestly, I'm glad he did. Over the past year I've gotten to know a person completely different from the character I'd met. I got to know this incredibly caring guy who, even though he'd never admit it, has a huge heart and gets gushy at times. ...and I eat it up! The evenings we spend just talking about us, how we're both a little amazed at how well we seem to get along, how we never argue or fight. Even when I have my moments of doubt or as he puts it "going sideways" he straightens me back up, reminds me I'm loved and just lets me sort myself out, but never wanders away too far. Still holding my hand, he'll guide me back, hold me tight and let me fight my demons, my insecurities and doubts. Reenforcing his adoration by lovingly brushing my hair from my eyes and kissing me on the cheek while I

He asked me why I don't txt him during the day all that much. I told him I don't like to interrupt his day. Which is true, I don't know what his days at work are like.  Hell I don't even know exactly what he does. But...that's all part of the respect we have to leave our RL's out of SL. We agreed to keep our lives separate because we both know that's how things get fucked up really quickly in SL. It's how my relationship with Daeth got out of control. Even so, RL emotions still play a huge role in SL relationships. It can't be avoided, in fact it's an unwritten requirement to being able to get anywhere in SL. There's just a fine line between using RL emotions and "having" RL emotions.
What makes it confusing is when you're in a close relationship with someone in SL, you need those RL emotions to make that relationship work. Just like in RL, you have to be emotionally invested along with all the other keys to making relationships work.
So, when is it too much?
When and where is that invisible line set and/or crossed?
When your SL partner says "I love you." how do you handle it? Is it purely fake, just an RP and done for appearances, or are there RL emotions behind that?
My relationship with Royce has been progressing very much en par with any RL relationship, we were friends for a long time, then we started dating, chose to make our relationship exclusive, partnered and we spend hours talking about the "how's, why's" and whathaveyou of "us."  Those things RL couples talk about. Dreams, expectations, desires, the future...  Those are things that bond a couple IRL. So, when is that allowed or not allowed in an SL relationship?
Yes, in other words, I'm a bit scared. I know he has RL feelings for me as I do for him, but I know I have to keep mine in check. I have to "touch base" with reality from time to time to keep me from "going sideways" as he put it. So, what's to stop him from doing the same?
Yes, I do love him, very much so, but how much and to what extent? Would I ever be willing to jeopardize my RL relationship for him?  Doubtful, but it all remains to be seen.

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