Wednesday, February 29, 2012

SL Sex, Depression and Feeling Whole.

Yup, I said it. SL sex. It's a biggie for a lot, for others its simply not important at all, for others still its foreign concept. For me, it plays an important part of an SL relationship, just as it does in RL. No, I'm not into pose balls or cartoon sex, that's a bit creepy to me but I understand there are many who find it to be a turn on for them and that's fine. Emoting is a good start, but I've found I am very turned on by voice. Not so much cam as that distorts the fantasy for me, but voice can really pique my imagination and it was Royce who started that need for me in SL. I was fine allowing emoting to be the extent of SL sex for me, it didn't do much for me, but it seemed to make whomever I was with happy at the time. Then Royce asked if I'd be open to voice with him. At first it was just to chat, flirt what have you. It quickly progressed to full-on voice/phone sex. I found that I enjoyed it a lot. I didn't need it so much, but it was certainly a lot of fun for me. I didn't realize it then but it had sparked a need in me that even I wasn't aware was missing from my RL. My RL and I had been drifting apart over the past few years and I'd all but given up attempting to ask for the smallest amount of just touch, cuddles, hugs, laying next to each other. That intimacy that I craved I had lost with my RL.
Only after a year of getting to become friends with and build up a trust with Royce did we discuss this at all. It was one of those taboo subjects that we didn't bring up because we didn't want to cross any lines or offend the other. What we both found out was that our RL's were very similar. He too was missing that intimacy, that closeness with his RL. I had suspected as much over the past year, but never broached the subject. Only once he had started coming back on a daily/nightly basis did we realize indeed our suspicions were true. He also had gotten up the nerve to ask me about my RL relationship, so when I answered his question I could feel an immediate bond form. We filled in the empty spaces for each other.  
As time progressed and our relationship bond grew our sexual relationship has grown along with it. He knows I will comply in RL to his requests, our sexual RP has a very RL aspect for both of us.
What we both know and accept is that our relationship, as intimate as it is, as very real as it is for both of us, it will never cross over into a RL relationship of any kind other than what it is now. Honestly, that's fine for me as doing so would make things very complicated for me, as if they weren't already. Not to mention the complications it would cause for him as well.

The thing about our SL relationship is we don't ask too many RL questions. We don't know each other's RL partner's names, we don't even really know what each other does IRL. Other than he knows I'm an artist and I know he's in some sort of technical field and apparently it's fairly high stress since he's been working like a dog lately.
But what this relationship has done has formed a bonding between two people, across an entire country (he lives on the west coast while I'm east coast), helped heal broken hearts for two like souls and formed a friendship and trust that, at least for now, can't be broken. 
Yes, I said "at least for now." Because we all know SL relationships never last. One either strays or leaves SL. That's just how things least for those relationships that aren't meant to crossover into RL, such as ours. We're aware a time will come for us to part ways eventually, but for now, we're happy, satiated and completely addicted and devoted to each other. I guess one could say there's a very real love between us, even if it is just a virtual version of love. It's still one that's formed slowly over a year and some months. We trust each other explicitly, which is so rare. So many other couples have so much drama and stress associated with their pairings. Royce and I just don't have that. Sure, our relationship formed out of a drama filled nightmare and it eventually caused him to leave SL "officially" for many months. Even so, he would still come back, visit, check-up on friends and former sexual partners. He's not cold-hearted or without compassion or empathy. He's not one of those guys who trolls for sex and leaves again. He's real. He has a heart, a soul, a loneliness about him that makes him a total curiosity for me. I have come to adore him and yes, even love him. He makes me feel good about myself and my SL. He never adds to any drama that may be surrounding me, he let's me fight my own battles. That's not to say he doesn't care about what craziness I've experienced, in fact he's always making sure I'm ok, that nothing is becoming too much for me. He even cares about me on an RL level. When my RL gets crazy he's there for me. He kept me company when my RL partner was having surgery, and again when I had to rush my RL to the ER not too long ago. He was truly concerned for my well being and that I could be strong for my RL.
He gives me that level of care and compassion I crave, that has been missing from my life for several years and he gets that to a degree from me. I say to a degree only because I don't tend to ask a lot about his RL and he doesn't volunteer anything unless I ask. I know how private and guarded he can be and I hate to intrude or inject myself where I'm not sure if I belong...and I won't push it unless he asks me to do so.
Yes, he makes me feel whole again. I love him and don't want what we have now to end anytime soon. He's very important to me on so many levels.

No comments:

Post a Comment