Saturday, January 28, 2012

Moving forward?

Remind me not to speak to "ex's" again!
I really tried to be Daeth's friend after our break-up but the break-up itself took so long that it lasted almost as long as our entire relationship. Ugh, filled with emotional torment, abuse, neglect and mindfucks that still have me scratching my head wondering: "Why even bother, seriously?"

Anyway, I was bored. Royce didn't show the other night so I perv'd Daeth's profile checking to see if he was seeing someone yet. I saw that he was and by the looks of it he seemed happy. (Whew) I figured what could it hurt to drop into his Box and say a quick "hello, how's it goin'" right? WRONG Bad move Jussy!
Yeah, he's still not over me. Last time we talked I wound up removing him from my friends list, blocked him from my FB page and booted him from my group, but...   I'd forgotten to block him from Skype. He messaged me there and basically proceeded to make me feel bad for being happy! WTH? Why do that to someone? If you claim to care about them, if you want to be their friend, making them feel bad for being happy is NOT the way to go about showing you care...and this latest convo wasn't any different. I started off by simply saying "Congrats! :)"  Again, figuring that's a good opening for an upbeat convo with an old friend.What came after that I wasn't prepared for.  A litany of of all the things that are wrong with his life.There I was looking like a dork for even thinking we could be friends again. He went from telling me how awful his RL is to how lame his SL actually is and that his "girlfriend" who's never around leaves him wanting more. Hmmm...guess now he knows what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot. I actually found myself not feeling guilty but pissed off.
Moral of this story: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RE-START EVEN A "FRIENDSHIP" WITH AN EX. It's not worth it.

On to more current news.

Hoodie Ninja Photography, my baby, is currently off-line for a little bit. Had a falling out with my brother who's wife's land was where I had my home and my studio. She realized tiers were killing her and decided to move. Ok, I hate moving but whatever. She found new land and invited me to move in again. Granted the prim count was a lot less but I really don't use that many as it is. My studio uses less than 50prims in all...Building, backdrop and poses combined. My house at our old place was big enough we all shared it was a bit higher in prims. On the new land Nik wanted he and his wife to have their own house and Royce and me to have our own. I found a nice, low prim, full perms house and started to set up. Built my studio from scratch ontop of the house and as I was laying out furniture I got a message that the land was already too full to rez anything!! WHAAA??? How does this happen?
Nik got pissed off, released a few of his meeroos and blamed me for using all the prims. Come to realize it was his darling wife who'd rez'd THREE houses, one on top of the other, who'd used them all, not to mention those freaking meeroos, that I can't stand!  GRRR...finally I had had enough, packed up my stuff and left. Same day we moved I'm out of a place to set as home and I knew Royce would be there soon! Double Grrr
I had sent out a notice earlier in the day to my group letting them know Hoodie Ninja Photography had moved to Nik's new land and now I was having to send yet another notice telling everyone HNP was going offline until I could find a more permanent home.
Luckily a group member came to the rescue and let me know her clan had space on their SIM to rent. AWESOME!!  Cheap too!!
Gotta love Groups!
Gotta love clients!!
So, I had just finished negotiations for rent with the Clan's Queen, paid my first month's rent and Royce shows up. Granted I didn't have time to set up my studio, but that could wait for morning. Royce insisted I tell him how much my rent is for my studio and whatever land I find for our home. What a great guy! I so didn't expect that at all...nor did I need him to do that. I have never asked him for a dime and never intended to do so. I'd seen how his ex treated him, used him for his money, used sex as a weapon to get what she wanted from a number of guys even while Royce and she were together! I had decided I'd never be reliant on a man to support my SL, but Royce and I have been close for so long that allowing him to do this, as weirdly uncomfortable as it seems, it also feels good that someone really cares enough to put me first like that. I'm so not used to it from anyone.
A mutual friend of ours told me I should let him go ahead and pay my rents, let him feel like "the man." I'm still a bit uncomfortable accepting help, let alone from someone I care about. I'm fiercely independent and have always managed to land on my feet in SL. One way or another things usually work out, even if they sometimes take a while to do so. This is actually humbling. I love Royce for all he's done just to make me feel as special as he does, he keeps surprising me everyday.
And to think, after my convo with Daeth the other day, I was ready to break up with Royce simply because I was scared we'd end up like Daeth and I did. A simple "hello, baby" reminds me we are a far cry from how things were with Daeth.  Even though he's not "officially" back in SL he reminds me he's there for me. He's always been there for me, he's never really left.
I just hope I can keep from letting this one self-destruct.

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