Tuesday, January 17, 2012

October 29, 2010 - That's when this journey began. Lost among the woefully bored and those attempting to escape reality Justine Kingmaker was born into a Second Life. Not my first time around mind you, but one that would stick. (my first attempt horribly went wrong when my pc died an untimely death and Petra was thought to be lost in the ether.)  This time I was bound and determined to make a good go of it. Start fresh, tarry forth and hopefully find myself among friends.
It wasn't long before I wandered into a night club, began to chat among the regulars and get my feet wet. I also realized I needed $L's. So, I did what most noobies do, I camped, I entered contests and slowly started to earn a few $L's here and there. One of the places I would camp was a dance/stripper pole at a club. This one day while I was there the owner of the place wanders in and sees me. Immediately we start talking about my coming to work for her. She says she asked me because she hates me for my skin. Her quirky way of saying she really liked it. So, I decide to give it a go. I started working there as a stripper, granted I wasn't the best at it, sure I could emote some but I was never all that comfortable. Then slowly a few of her regulars start to show up as does her partner. I was intimidated by him being there. He was quite, brooding almost, seemed to be the kind that liked them a bit more open or teasing but there was something about him, I wanted to find out more about this guy, this American who was dating an Aussie.
Days went by and I found myself spending more and more time there. At that time I already had another job but when I wasn't working on shift at that club I spent my off time at this beach club. I got to know a lot of the regulars, hang out, chat, even become friends with a few of them. But this guy, the owners partner remained elusive, a mystery of sorts. One day I wandered in, mindlessly thinking I'd jump up on one of the poles and start dancing but I noticed him sitting there on the edge of a lounge chair. Not comfortably laying back, but looking like he was thinking about something. Instead of dancing I wandered over, took the seat next to his and started talking to him. Even though he kept his answers brief I could tell there was something bugging him. We talked some and indeed he was in a bit of a funk, he and the owner had been having troubles and he wanted to make things right with her. So we talked some more and eventually he seemed to be feeling better about it.
Long story made short, their arguments and accusations only got worse over time. I talked to him on several occasions just trying to be a friend, letting him vent his frustration. The owner kept making stuff up, using him over and over but there he was trying desperately to keep it together.
I got to know this guy pretty well, see a side of him that he rarely let others see, the human side of him. A truly prideful man who was being emasculated by this bitch. I grew to dislike and distrust my boss and really kinda like the guy I got to meet.
Eventually the fighting and drama grew to intolerable levels, they broke up, he moved on, I left because the owner had thrown me under the bus along with him and not a word of it being true. It got so bad the owner started to believe her own lies and I had to leave but I remained friends with him. After a couple more months of him trying to make a go of it alone he gave up and officially quit SL. My heart cracked a bit with the news as he talked to me on the phone, but I kept a stiff lip and smiled for him anyway. I knew he was doing what was right for him.
A couple of weeks went by and he came back to visit, check on his friends and joke a bit. He and I started playing around a little, nothing serious. He did this off and on for a while but the intervals between his visits became longer and longer and I learned to move on with my SLife, make new friends and start seeing someone else. All the while he would show up out of the blue, usually in another avi, pop into my IM's and scare the crap out of me! He'd make me laugh then get me infuriated because of some new stunt his ex had pulled. Like banning me from her place a week before my sister's wedding!
This bitch was getting viscous and I had done nothing to deserve it. Even so, I kept moving forward. Learned to find new places to hang out, accumulated some more income and eventually did fairly well for myself.

Fast forward to a few months ago - I had broken up with my long-time boyfriend and was having a devil of a time getting over him. The break-up seemed to go on for months. I had set up a sky box on my land for my dear friend who was still come by every couple of weeks. Then I had to move. I wound up renting from one of my old renters, I set up a place and made sure my friend had a room of his own. He started coming around a bit more often and one day he just said to me, "Did you ever think of having more of a relationship with me?"  I had become comfortable with just being his friend and him being mine. I could count on him to show up right when I needed someone to talk to the most, he always had a kind word or a quick smile and he gave the best hugs anywhere. So when he dropped that on me I had to think for a moment. My reply was honest: "I'd be a liar if I said 'no', but I like how we are now."  I knew he couldn't be around all that often so even the idea of a relationship with him seemed out of the question. I didn't want to lose a friend I had come to care about and for as much as I did him. I gave him the "safe" answer.
That's when he started coming around more often and I started to let myself see him in a different light. I had learned to trust me over the year we'd been friends. Now I was single and able to play with him a bit more. I found myself falling for this guy who'd been the source of so much drama in my Slife. I eventually built up a bit of confidence and extended my collar to him. Something I'd never done with anyone.  I was flattered when he accepted it and promised to care for it. He said if he was around more he'd ask me to partner. I wanted to cry. That was the sweetest thing he could ever have said to me.
A couple more months and I realized he was coming around nearly every evening. We became closer and I learned to not just trust him, but accept a kind of love he extended only to me. That's when, while under the influence of pain medications for a pulled tooth, I asked him to partner. He had spent the day at home to make sure I was ok and I realized I didn't want to be without him. Again, he flattered me by not just accepting but making me a promise. I knew then this was all meant to happen just the way it did.
I'd been searching all this time for what was right there in front of me. I had compared all other guys I'd been with to him and not one measured up. I came to love him over all this time and all the while he patiently waited for me to open my eyes.
Since then he has challenged me to chip away some of the walls he himself told me to put up so many months ago, but my walls coming down weren't the only ones to crumble. His started fading as well. I got to see more and more of what was behind all that bravado. I got to see this amazingly caring, sweet, demanding but romantic guy. He continues to chip away at my walls, little by little, gaining my trust and letting me feel comfortable giving to him whatever he asked for.
He and I have somewhat similar RL situations so a lot of this works for us. We fulfill each other's needs and yes, I do actually love this guy. Even so, I have to keep reminding myself, this is still SL. The sucessful crossovers are so rare and our RL situations make allowing this to crossover nearly impossible. So, we talk about it and he reassures me. Then we slip and I find myself thinking of him in the most inappropriate times. Every time making me smile a little secret smile to myself.
I look forward to seeing him log on, telling me what he wants and my willingness to comply to his desires, which secretly are mine as well. He brings me love and companionship I wouldn't have otherwise. The affectionate moments I crave and the self awareness I thought I'd lost along the way. He satiates me longing, fulfills my desires and shows me I'm stronger than I claimed to be.

I love you Royce Carlucci, thank you for never giving up on me, without you by my side I could never have achieved so much. My heart and my body are yours.

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